Gagging for It #4

Dr. Pepper: The Drink for the Discerning Meth-head.
1 out of 5 pitchforks

Ugh. If it were possible to contain the collective farts of unicorns, fairies, pixies and rainbows, Dr. Pepper certainly figured out a way. I just had the misfortune of drinking a Diet Vanilla-Cherry Dr. Pepper. I came across a bottle of it recently and noted that I haven't had a Dr. Pepper in over twenty years. I wondered if I remember how good it was. I kind of remember liking it. I also kind of remember that I was weird kid who lacked common-sense and good set of taste buds. Somehow I thought it would be a wonderful thing to skip down memory lane. And skipping down memory lane, I did. Replete with me stumbling and chipping my tooth along the way. Is it a successful entreprise on Cadbury's part? It could have been. That is, if they were aiming for a Benalyn-flavoured pop. With so much stacked against it, you kind of feel sorry for Dr. Pepper. A sucktastic beverage coupled with shitty slogans:

"What's the worse that can happen?" (You mean, besides a sucking chest-wound?)

Or:

"There's more to it" (Yeah, and I'm still waiting...)

Interestingly enough, Dr. Pepper's slogan in Denmark/Finland/Netherlands begs: "Can You Handle the Taste?" Good fucking question. I, myself, barely managed a sip of that sugary Care Bear urine sample. I can see it being successful in the soda wars, tasting as shitty as it does. That could only happen if it were reformulated as an alternative in curing the clap.